It's been a busy week this week. First off, I managed to slip both a disk in the middle of my back and a rib too, which the doctor said has moved over another one... Monday, I went to the GP and left in more pain than when I started, as he attempted to relocate my rib. He laid me down on his bed/table thing and proceeded to hit me in the back! I could feel all of my ribs moving about, just not in the right way. I'm finding this frustrating and rather depressing to say the least, as I want to start my "Balance for Life" swimming that the doctor prescribed - but I can't because I'm technically "injured".
I've also bought into a cinema unlimited pass thing for my local cinema, as I always end up not being able to afford to go when invited. I miss going to the cinema with my friends, so I can go when I like and I don't have to pay for the tickets! I saw Toy Story 3 with Nik and his family on Tuesday evening and it was fantastic. I didn't have high hopes for it as I didn't enjoy the second one at all. There's a lot of peril and horror in this one (the cymbal monkey and the baby come to mind!) and it really makes you attached to the characters. I'm so glad they thinned down the "cast" of toys, as it makes it much easier to like the whole gang (potato head giving some awesome comedy moments and "señor buzz" for examples!)
Wednesday I went to see The A-Team with Nicky, which again was awesome. He's great to watch films with, because it doesn't matter what crap is on, he's always willing to go and see anything! Maybe I can coax him into seeing Eclipse...? Anyway, A-Team was fantastic, a brilliantly fun movie that's silly and with way over the top action. The characters were really well done and well portrayed, and they weren't at all "imitations" that I was worried they would be! Liam Neeson was awesome, as usual and really stood out. He was my main reason for seeing the film, and I'm honestly glad I did. It's certainly one I'll buy on bluray when it comes out. I offered to pay for dad's ticket so he could come and watch it with us, but he didn't want to, which was a shame because he'd have loved it. I often wonder if there's anything we can do together these days, I do try though.
I think next on the agenda for films is Jackie Chan's Karate Kid and then the "summer blockbusters". I really want to see Last Airbender, just to see how much they've screwed up. Sorcerer's Apprentice looks to be good too as does The Expendables and Scott Pilgrim. No doubt I'll see all of them, thanks to my card, I just wish Myriam was here to join me in seeing all of them. I wish she was with me full stop. She's only ever a phone call away, I know that, but I want to be doing these things with her and having fun with her. It's things I'm looking forward to though, being able to have evening dinner dates and watching late movies at the cinema. Maybe I can coax dad into seeing something in the coming weeks.
Myriam and I had a long talk about why I've distanced myself from spiritual things and why I feel I can't believe in it anymore. I won't go into it here, but I think she needed to know the reasons why I had this slow change of heart as her beliefs are finally settling. We had a good long talk about it and I think it made her happier about things somehow, at least I hope it did. The talk came about because mum found a sealed pack of tarot cards, wrapped in silk and inside a wooden box on a charity market stall. The women running the stall didn't like "things like that" (once mum opened it and showed them the contents, that is) and they let her have the lot for £1. The box and contents are on their way to Myriam now as she loves tarot cards and spiritual related things. I felt weird how the silk was purple (which is "my colour") and how the deck was a "dragon" deck - seeing as M was born in the year of the dragon... I knew it was supposed to be hers.
Today/Thursday, started off well. I got up a little late as I was up talking to M for most of the night, and headed to the the co-op (I'm going to try and walk a little each day) to get my lunch. Once again, I forgot how difficult it is to carry stuff with crutches... Maybe I should get a basket when I shop, haha! It saddens me, to be honest, as it was a huge struggle today. Something as simple as walking to the top of my road to buy a can of soup and a coke and walk back was a nightmare and I suffered for it this afternoon. Thankfully ibuprofen and paracetamol/cocodamol/codyramol/etc can mix, but sadly they're not much help. I think I need to space out the movies/going out across the week as it's almost as much of a struggle as working!
I have nothing planned for what is now today (Friday), but Saturday is my "Harry day" plus I'm going to Prezzo (an Italian-themed chain restaurant) in the evening as it's Heather's birthday and she's kindly invited me to go along. I really want to see my friends more often, I don't want to be "that guy" who sometimes goes out, I want to be invited to things. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm "ill" that I'm not invited anywhere, but I try not to think like that. My friends are all good people and have put up with a lot of my shit over the years and I'm very grateful, it's just difficult to tell them how hard my life is at the moment. I always fall back into either being the quiet one in the corner, or I turn into a raging asshole.
There must be some good in me, mustn't there? I just don't know how to lower my defences and be myself, whatever "myself" is. I see it when I'm with Myriam, but I can't quite get there and stay there, as still have my colossal mood swings and I annoy her too. She puts up with an awful lot and sometimes I wonder how she can cope with me being such a state and why she bothers. If only I could see in myself what others see in me. Anyway, bedtime, that's enough of my inane shouting into the wind.
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