Not Feeling Well...

It's one of those days today. I had a rough night last night with sleep and pain and what not and I woke up this morning feeling terrible. I can honestly say that I haven't had a day like this for a while. I've had days where mentally I felt like shit (because that's most days) but I haven't had a proper fucked from fatigue day. Today is a fucked from fatigue day. I had a mixed day yesterday where I was hyper and depressed at the same time, however it did allow me to get my laptop upgrades done, but I'll talk about them later.

For the last couple of weeks I have wanted to go to the cinema, but there has been nothing on that interests me. I would like to see Legend of the Guardians, but that's in 3D only (I don't like 3D films). I'd like to see Let Me In, but I have the original, which is supposed to be better. And I want to see Harry Potter when it comes out, but I know it'll be incredibly busy. There's also the "someone to go with" problem, if only Myriam was here, or if Harry took some holiday from work! I'm not sure I could convince him to go to the cinema to see the films I want though!

Parcels arrived this morning were Nier and Bro's Christmas present (which, rather annoyingly was bent in half to fit through the letterbox... It's ok, but the back cover is a bit creased). Nier is in the PS3 and I'm looking forward to playing it. Apparently it's quite a simple game, but the story is good and that's all that really matters as long as the gameplay is manageable!

Yesterday my Macbook's recognition parts and loads of Magic cards arrived. So all was good, as I spent a day clearing out my Macbook both digitally and physically. I might go over the fans again and clean them out properly as it still seems to be running a bit hot. The reason I wanted more RAM for Mac OS is because 10.6 seems to ignore 1gb of your ram, so when it gets to that cap, it starts to page and become catastrophic in performance. It turns out that this was a mega bug introduced in 10.6.4 and is now fixed thanks to 10.6.5 which came out last night! But not to worry, more RAM never hurt anyone, and now my Macbook is completely maxed out with only an SSD to go to improve performance (but for the £1000 or whatever, I'd probably just get a whole new one!)

The weather today is abysmal, I can hear the wind and rain beating viciously against the double glazing in my room, which has make it impossible to sleep. So I think I will get some food and try to make the most of it (read: playing Nier). Things are slowly starting to piss me off, but not in a bad way (if that makes sense). I don't really care about politics or religion, because people are allowed to believe whatever they want and whatever happens will happen. It's just lately, both of those issues have really been thrown at me quite hard and repeatedly. It's starting to feel like being punched in the face when laying on the floor, so my face is a bloody mush. Not pleasant, I know, but still!

Back to health stuff now. In three weeks I go to Stanmore. I don't want to go. Not because of what I'm going to have to do there, but because the hospital reminds me of the one from Silent Hill and I don't like people. Ok, I've been told that my pain will be "believed" but the pain I can deal with, it doesn't need to be believed, as I've lived with it this long, I know it's real. The thing I'm most worried about is my fatigue and not knowing when to stop. Will that be addressed at Stanmore? Will I be allowed a whole day to sleep/relax? I doubt it. But we'll see.

I was at the doctors on Monday, to get a new sick note and to ask about my finger (which is feeling a bit better after a few days in a splint and being given rest) and found out that I have lost even more weight! However, quite honestly, I'm sick of this hospital culture I seem to be in at the moment. I'm either talking to a GP or seeing some specialist somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be seeing them and I'm grateful for the help I receive, I just wish I didn't need it. I also hate all this campaigning for the disabled, fair enough, some acknowledgement would be nice and recognition for my conditions would be great, but I feel, again like with politics at the moment, that it's beating my face in.

So far, although I'm writing this blog post on my iPad (I cannot wait for iOS 4.2, which is supposed to land tomorrow), it has still taken me three hours to write this as I have taken a lot of breaks from it and kept coming back! This is why I don't update often, because it takes a huge amount of time! But not to worry, I'm sure to have a lot of it in the coming weeks, being at Stanmore, which I will be doing a day-to-day "report" on, here in the land of 0 comments! (Maybe I should name my blog that, hmm...)